When The Wedding Was Just for Them ( And That Was the Whole Point)

Kendra and Alex got married twice.

Sort of.

There was the version that I photographed… with the dress rehearsal at McDade Park in Scranton, where we captured every detail they'd spent months planning. The flowing white dress with hand-painted florals, the three-piece suit with a newsboy cap, the handfasting cord they'd chosen, the tarot cards woven into their ceremony setup, the rings resting on a velvet pillow like something out of a fantasy novel.

Then there was the real ceremony. The one that happened after I left. The one with no camera, no guests, no officiant. Just the two of them, the setting sun, and vows they'd written for each other without an audience to perform for.

Here’s the thing about Kendra and Alex, they really like “their” people. They make people laugh. They're the kind of couple who hosts a "Bachelorenne Faire" at the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire and gets their friends to dress up as pirates and fairies to celebrate with them. They're the kind of people who quote The Godfather fifty seven times on their wedding day just because it's funny.

But when it came to the moment they actually said "I do"? They didn't want to perform at all.

The Problem With Guest Lists and Expectations

The idea for a private ceremony started the way a lot of unconventional wedding plans do…out of sheer logistics exhaustion.

"We could write a book about every idea we had and tossed," Kendra told me. "But it first entered as a possibility when we realized how impossible it felt to draw the line between which loved ones to invite and who to leave out."

So they didn't draw a line….. They erased it entirely.

Instead of trying to fit their relationship into a traditional wedding structure that didn't feel right, they built something that did. A handfasting ceremony. Vows written without an audience in mind. A celebration at the park where they had their first date…..hoagies included.

"We saw our ceremony as being fairly traditional," Alex explained. "We exchanged meaningful vows during a traditional handfasting, after which we exchanged traditional rings. We even wore traditional wedding garb. Like most couples, we borrowed what we liked from the traditional blueprint and put our own spin on it."

The spin? It was a moment to spend together, for each other.

The Trade-Off: Photos vs. Presence

Here's where it gets interesting.

Kendra and Alex knew they wanted professional photos. They also knew they didn't want a photographer at their actual ceremony. So we did a full dress rehearsal with the same location, same setup, same everything….and I documented that instead.

"We had to accept that there wouldn't be photos of the real ceremony," Kendra said. "We knew it was a compromise and a trade off to give those up for the chance to be fully authentic when we exchanged our vows."

But here's the poetic irony they pointed out: the photos I captured ended up being the wedding performance they'd worked so hard to avoid in the actual ceremony.

"What you captured in photos ended up being the wedding performance we had worked so hard to avoid," Alex said. "All of the elements of the real ceremony were intact. We were dressed, we were using the actual handfasting cord and rings. We had put an incredible amount of intention into every detail, and this session allowed us to pause along the way to make sure those details were captured."

They even found themselves trying to make the rehearsal feel less real…not saying their actual vows out loud, not pulling tarot cards at random..just so they could save those moments for when it was just the two of them.

"We laughed several times about how we couldn't turn off the performance and just let you capture candid moments," Kendra admitted. "Which of course you managed to anyway."

What It Felt Like When It Was Just Them

After we finished the rehearsal photos and they recreated their first date with hoagies from their favorite deli, I left. The sun was setting. The park was closing soon and it was finally just Kendra and Alex.

"To be honest, it felt a little stressful at first because we had a few incidents out of our control that put us behind schedule and we were running out of daylight," Kendra said. "But once that subsided and we got into the handfasting and vow exchange it was exactly what we hoped for. Just us. The sun was setting. Peace settled in. And it felt genuine and intimate."

They rolled D20s to determine who would go first with their vows. They exchanged rings without worrying about angles or lighting. They said things to each other that were meant only for each other.

"The ultimate decision to have a symbolic ceremony with no guests, no officiant, and even no photographer came down to our tendency to perform when we have an audience," Alex explained. "We like to make people laugh. We've got an alphabet soup of neurodiversity, so we tend to mask. We also love hosting and get really caught up in that role when we do. However, that's not the role we wanted to play for our wedding."

The Full Story (And Why It Doesn't Need to Be Photographed)

When I asked if they felt like they had the "full story" even though the actual ceremony wasn't photographed, Kendra's answer stopped me in my tracks.

"Our wedding felt like a culmination, a milestone, and also a reset for our relationship. It was also one big event of many in the surrounding months. The 'full story' feels complex and inexplicable. So no, we don't feel like we have the full story in the photos, and we're glad for it. You captured our personalities in October 2024, the way we interacted with each other during that time in our lives, and the first day where our vows were top of mind and being brought to life."

That's the thing, right? Not everything needs to be documented. Not everything should be documented. Some moments are meant to exist only in your memory, only between you and the person you're marrying.

Kendra and Alex didn't sacrifice photos because they didn't care about them. They sacrificed photos of one specific moment because they cared more about being fully present for it.

What This Means for Other Couples

If you love photography but crave privacy, Kendra and Alex's advice is simple: sit with the trade-offs and accept them.

"Photography and privacy mean different things to different people," Kendra said. "Don't get caught up in what might be expected of you, and instead find the solution that meets your needs and wants."

Their only regret? Not starting the day earlier so they weren't racing against sunset and park closing times. (Also, their car battery died at the end of the night, which is objectively the least romantic way to end a wedding day…but hey, that's what photographers with jumper cables are for.)

Their favorite unexpected benefit? "Your nonsense makes sense," Kendra said, quoting a song by The 502s. "People tell me you're a strange bird, but all my favorite folks in the world are a little absurd. Everybody's trying to fit in, but I'm loving every moment of us being different."

The Photos You're Looking At

So when you scroll through these images, know that what you're seeing is the rehearsal. The performance. The version of Kendra and Alex that exists when there's a camera pointed at them and also know that somewhere between the last photo I took and the moment the sun disappeared completely, there was another version of this day. One where they were fully unmasked, fully present, and fully themselves in a way that only the two of them will ever know.

That's the version they married each other in.

And honestly? I think that's exactly how it should be.

Photographer's Note: Kendra and Alex chose me to document their wedding day because of the end-of-life photos I'd taken of their cata session that required patience, authenticity, and an understanding that some moments are too important to rush. Their wedding was no different. If you're planning something unconventional and need a photographer who gets it, let's talk.